Open Note to Retailers...Dedicated to Guitar Center

So, it appears in our spare time (between 2-3a), we're going to take up electric guitar. We decided that Guitar Hero is an absolute waste of space, we can push buttons, let's learn a craft. T has an old one that's he's taken apart and is going to need a lot of work, and I don't have one at all, so we decided to do our homework and get some gear.

Imagine the glee when we found that Guitar Center is running tax day specials, (since we'd have to purchase, at minimum 2 guitars and an amp) that we could get up to $100 off our order, because hobbies ain't cheap, bitches. Well, decent musical instruments aren't anyway. I played bassoon for over a decade; ever price one of those things? Hint: you could buy a car.

Note to retailers, if you run a sale, then exclude everything from such sale, it's not a sale, but a gimmick. Exactly ONE of my items qualified. They had a note on their website that if you had exclusions, call them. So, I'm thinking, given the size of this order since this stuff is excluded, you might cut me a little break, yeah?

HELL NO. Basically, the Customer Service Rep told me that once she keyed in everything (manually), there might be specials that aren't online advertised. So, I asked, "you're not going to make me redo this order manually with you, and spend 20 minutes out of my life before you tell me there are no special deals, when I can just do this one I've already got online in a couple of minutes?" She assured me, "defnitely not", that there are deals that they can't run online.

The short of it, is that she lied. I spent 20 minutes doing a phone order, there were no special deals, and the thanks I got was some nice young lady trying to upsell me on extended warranties. No little 5-10% discount or whatever because the order was a biggun or anything. Just a "fuck you very much, what's your credit card number?" Actually, she was totally nice, I'm just pretty dissatisfied with Guitar Center right now.

So, what was on special? Well Roland (excluded) would allow some obscure synthesizer to be sold on the promotion. Basically, a lot of back stock shit nobody wants is on sale. They're running a deceptive special and I just wanted to take my 5 minutes and let people know.

Try Musician's Friend (their tax day special is a bit of a gimmick as well) or One Music Square. The latter is a small town shop out of Huntsville who will match any advertised price. Anything but Guitar Center, because right now, as far as I'm concerned, Guitar Center is stupid and sucks balls.

Internet Research Failure

So, my trusty resource the internets have failed me. I've been trying to find out what I can about my old electric guitar, and there just isn't much out there.

Anyhow, I have an old Burnside Cutlass. This was a Guild sub-brand in the 80s that was, depending on who you ask, imported from Korea or China or possibly made here in the US. It has an HSS-style pickup arrangement, and a tremolo that may or may not be a Kahler, or it may be a Floyd Rose knockoff. Definitive answers are few and far between.

This is the extent of the knowledge available on the internet about this item. If anyone else has more info, I'd love to get it.

Ad Targeting Failures

So, as I wander the intertubes in search of exciting consumer products to buy, I've noticed a weird phenomenon. I accept, albeit grudgingly, that my computer keeps track of what I'm doing online*. It then communicates these facts to the mighty server farms in Mountain View, or wherever the hell Google has them stashed these days. These servers then reply with appropriate advertisements based on what I've been browsing on the net. I accept this as part of the price I pay for living in a free society accessing free content.

Here's what I find odd: the ads are for the same websites I've already been shopping. Now it may be that these very same websites are the only people paying the Goog for ads about monocles and top hats, or it may be that the ad algorithm could use a little tweaking. I'm not sure which. In any event, showing me the exact same websites I'm already going to doesn't make me inclined to click on the ads. Since getting me, the hapless and foolish consumer, to click on the ad is the point of the whole exercise, I'm inclined to think it fails.

Perhaps showing me ads for similar websites might be a thing? Instead of the 1400 banner ads for Warby Parker and Guitar Center, you might throw one up for someone else in the same line of business. I think somebody else in the consumer marketing biz has a website where they show me similar items I might be interested in purchasing based on all that data they harvest.

Oh, and just an FYI: I only click the links for Elizabeth Warren to cost her campaign money, so keep putting those up. That's money the campaign doesn't get to spend more intelligently or effectively.

*Note to the privacy rabid: Yes, I know how to avoid this and am perfectly capable of doing so, but a majority of the time I'm at work and doing funny things to the work computer makes my IT department peevish.

Why We're Screwed

J likes to have the TV on in the morning for background noise and a little information. She keeps it tuned to Fox News, because after all, she is a republican. One story they've run a few times is the sad tale of a little company in Kentucky who makes jackets for Air Force One. The Federal Bureau of Prisons was going to compete for the work, and the loss of the contract would put the poor firm out of business. However, the brave business owner complained to the media and his Congressional delegation, and lo! The Federal Bureau of Prisons decided to withdraw from the bid, and the company is saved!

There are so many things wrong with this story it's hard to know where to start. Let's go with an immediate Business 101 level observation: if you are dependent on one customer for your continued existence, you have a problem. Diversify. Find other markets for your product. Find other business avenues to explore. Do something, anything, so if the big customer quits buying from you, you can survive. Frankly, piss-poor business practices alone should ensure Ashland Sales & Service goes bankrupt.

Moving right along, let's discuss the contracting issue. You have no right to have the taxpayer buy your product, okay? If, as it appears was the case, the Federal Bureau of Prisons can provide the item at a lower cost, guess what? I want the Federal Bureau of Prison to provide it. The federal government is not a jobs program. The fed should be trying to be wise stewards of the taxpayers' dime, which means going with lowest-cost bidding. If you ain't the lowest cost, screw you. Compete. Lower your costs. Improve your productivity. Don't whine about how the mean Federal Bureau of Prisons has lower labor costs and it's impossible to do anything. In other words, do your job and don't run to the government to get protection. This is the epitome of special interest: AS&S wants the government to screw over the taxpayer so they can benefit from the decision.

Next up, why in the hell are we buying special jackets for Air Force One, anyway? Unless things have changed, the zoomies get uniforms just like us groundlings did. All the personnel on Air Force have jackets, thoughtfully provided at taxpayer expense. What, they need another just because they fly on the same plane as their boss? Last time I checked, we don't have a palace guard in this country. The President is not the God-Emperor of America, and those blessed with his presence shouldn't get special uniforms. And the man himself? The President does not need a nice pretty flight jacket, and even if he wants one, he makes 400 large a year and should be able to afford one all by his own self.

Strangely, none of this was discussed in the coverage I've seen. These are basic considerations that maybe, just maybe, we should be considering when we decide to spend the government's our money. Instead, everybody's tear-jerking about how the business will go under and people will be unemployed and boo-fucking-hoo. Quit trying to tug on my heartstrings and think for a minute. We are $15 trillion and change in debt, and we have to be a jobs program for jacket manufacturers. We can't get anyone to ask "Why are we buying these jackets? And if we have to buy them, why can't we get them cheaper?" Nobody in the government is empowered to ask these questions but our elected officials, and they don't have the fortitude and willpower to do what's necessary.

And that, boys and girls, is why we're screwed: We have given ourselves the government we deserve.

New Year's Devolutions

I had a goal to start posting more with the new year. I also had a goal to start working out again. Then I spent the first full week of the year with a 102 degree fever which turned out to be a result of pneumonia. So my goals got derailed in favor of antibiotics and sleep. I should, pending the result of a doctor visit, be cured. So maybe I can cut back on the sleep and get some stuff done without feeling like I'm gonna fall over.

On the plus side, for old worn out reprobates who don't indulge much in recreational drugs anymore, hydrocodone cough syrup and fever produce some spectacular hallucinatory dreams. The dreams also serve as a reminder of what a dark, strange place the recesses of my subconscious are.

The Penn State Scandal, A Different Perspective

I've been reading with a little interest some of the reaction to the horrific situation at Penn State. I'm not going to go into the details of the story here, the news is full of it; however, I do notice one angle that has been widely overlooked. There has been a lot of shock registered at the reaction of Mr. Sandusky's colleagues, including the lack of follow through taken by Messrs. Paterno and McQueary after making an internal report to supervisors and University officials, but not to law enforcement. It now appears that Mr. Paterno intends to retire at the end of the season. Frankly, I'm surprised at all the surprise.

For all the talk about "success with honor", why would anyone be shocked that these individuals would refuse by omission to disgrace one of their own? These men have reached a remarkable level of success in a field that has a history of treating its own as above the rules. Why would the rules suddenly matter in this case? Do they even understand what the rules are? In a world that pulls aside young boys who exhibit a talent for playing a game, and exempts them from all of the conventions of normal society...honestly, why is anyone surprised?

Think about it. Once a boy in his teens shows a talent for football (or any sport for that matter, but especially football), he becomes a singular focus, and is made worthy of great praise. Coaches pay special attention, parents reward and foster (because they see future wealth and fame), and there is a great benefit and self-esteem boost to all involved for increasing the talent of the player. In many cases, the young athlete is taught that nothing else matters but the sport. School no longer becomes a focus, teachers are pressured to grant grades not earned, and bad behavior is covered up or mitigated because the athlete is integral to the team. Only the results on the field matter. The individual becomes secondary.

There is a lot of recruiting hype for high school athletes. Most "star" players are catered to at a level unfathomable to a boy of 17 or 18. Most of us know a high school athlete who could barely read but got a full ride to a major university. How many football scholarships are granted to young men who lack the academic capability to succeed at the school that is paying for his "education"? Judging by college graduation rates by football players, many. College is about the sport for these guys. Many college classes are designed for them (most colleges have "football majors"), they have special tutors to keep them eligible, and they are above the realm of traditional students. If they get caught committing crimes or behaving in ways that might get traditional students expelled, the situation is handled, usually without real punishment to the player. They are a special class in a closed society. In many cases, they're not even truly connected to the University at large.

While few of these young men are actually drafted into their professional league, some go into coaching at various levels, and some go home to obscurity. Many of those who do not find success in the sport which has carried them their entire lives to this point, suddenly find themselves subject to the same mundane lives as the rest of us. And...some turn out just fine. But, many don't understand this new normal and turn to drug use, or some various type of illegal escapism. Everyone who knows that dude who can't stop going on and on about when he was a high school football star may be able to identify with the type. The former college football star who doesn't make it is often far worse. Some spend their lives trying to get a break into the NFL via lower leagues. Most don't make it. Many are never productive, and just become pathetic ruins of people.

Those who do manage to maintain success with their sport, whether the route be the pros or via coaching, maintain this exclusive a society within themselves. They are the exalted ones. I don't think we need to discuss NFL salaries or all the reports of unpunished crimes by pro athletes. The highest compensated state employee in Texas is the Head Coach of the University of Texas Football team. Most people will tell you that Coach Paterno was a far more important figure than the President of Penn State. And as people who have had this level of success have spent most of their youth and all of their adulthood in this protected class, they don't know anything beyond protecting the class. Again, they are special. It is them, their fellow players, and then everyone else. They protect their own as they have always been protected. Results on the field are all that matters, and everything else is just minutia.

The rest of us only feed this insanity. The professional athletic society is rarely held accountable for poor behavior, so why do we expect them to suddenly open their inner sanctum and behave properly? Why do we feign great shock when these people hide the misbehavior of one of their own? Their own misbehavior has likely been hidden their entire lives. We as outsiders hold these people up as heroes and role models...because of a GAME. Because the ideal is so superficial, we should not feel loss when the fiction is revealed. The only fault of the athlete is that he believes the hype we bestow upon him. The true and greatest fault is with all of us.

Perhaps if we would treat what they do with the perspective it actually deserves, we wouldn't be having the Sandusky conversation today. We reap what we sow.

Steve Jobs and Cultists

Steve Jobs was an innovator whose vision and fortunate partnership changed the way a lot of people use media.

I learned to program on a Mac SE over 25 years ago; I still have my fully functional "banana junior computer" that T constantly threatens to dismantle and turn into a fish bowl. I love my iPod and I love my iPhone and intend to purchase the new one. And guess what? Apple will still make products, and I will either choose to or not to buy them.

I don't know Mr. Jobs personally. I am sure this is a terrible loss for his family and for the people who knew and cared about him. I've lost many people I love and know what they face. It is unfortunate, and it is life.

What I detest is this creepy mourning death cult mentality so many take up every time somebody famous dies. Teddy bear shrines and candles and WTFever at Apple stores is just retarded. Stop it you idiots, it's meaningless. If you want to show support for Mr. Jobs' family, buy a Disney movie then go home and cry your crocodile salty ham tears in private. You're an irrelevant spec on the ass of the world and we don't care about your manufactured pain.

Despite PC society's reactionary anti-religionism, like it or not, people still yearn to be part of something greater than themselves. So instead of finding solace in the divine, they turn to the most frivolous crap that pops up, in a feeble attempt to give their empty existence some meaning. Creepy mourning death cults are fleeting, kiddies. Stop littering in front of retail stores. Do something. Find a real belief system. Try a Church.